Memoirs of a Nobody

I'm currently suffering from broncitis, as is my father. In all the drama over his illness (he's a heart patient, so it's hitting him worse), everyone keeps forgetting I have it as well.

Today I was asked (ordered) to 'watch over' my father, as supposidly a 50-year-old man of sound mind and reasonable body cannot feed himself nor take his medications (something I have yet to see while he's been here). I reminded my step-mother (who is already on my last nerves for somethin else) that I am also very sick and would like to spend he day in bed resting (thus, I would watch over him when I could, but I was not forgoing a day to rest and sleep at her whim).

She then entered into the following exchange:

Her: You're still sick? *tone of disbelief*
Me: Yes...
Her: Just how long are you going to be sick for? *tone of sarcasm*
Me: How the hell should I know?

Not the best reply, but seriously, I didn't shop for broncitis complicated by emphsyma, I'm not coughing up a lung just to amuse myself. I'm fucking SICK and you all have been draging me around (and abandoning me and my father in the fucking cold for ten minutes because you OMG had to go somewhere else instead of waiting five minutes), so no, I'm not all better yet.

I'm tempted to tell her that my broncitis can often last up to three months with certain complications, but I just don't have the energy to deal with her.

I'm also getting highly pissed off with her trying to take control of everything and tell me what to do. Not only am I NOT five years old and don't need a minder, I also don't need another mother (and yes, she's actually said she's like a mom to me. No, you're the scitzo chick my father married. I had a mother, she may not have been the best, but I loved her and I don't need a replacement. I'm not your daughter except in a random word choice sense, stop introducing me as such and stop trying to take my mother's place.

talked to my baby sister for hours...it was awesome!

I love her, she's my little squishy!

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Hmm, lots of shit going on around here all of a sudden…which is probably why I’m suffering exaustion at the moment (emotional and physical…which means nothing is getting accomplished).

Mum and I were talking the other day, and she was whining that her Uriologst wasn’t going to tell her anything until January, when all the testing was done, during which, she still had to endure pain and bleeding. I countered with the fact that if anything was seriously wrong, her doctor would get a hold of her before that. She, of course, didn’t believe me.

…until the next morning when the doctor called at the ass crack of dawn to schedule imediate surgery for a cyst on her kidney found during her CAT Scan. *smacks forehead* I do actually know what I’m talking about!

So mum’s on bed rest…which was fun for me, as I have to take care of her. I don’t like playing fetch *pouts* Also throws off me sleeping as she’s up longer then I usually am. I think she discovered how stressed out I am between worring about her and taking care of her, when I burst into tears one day when she asked for dinner (no, I don’t know why I did that, I just did).

Tonight, she leaves for a week in Eugene, to go to her back dr appointment, and have her kidney surgery. It’ll be nice, to get some time to decompress, before starting the stress cycle all over again.

My grandmother is a complete bitch (not that this is news to longtime visitors *grins*). For the past two weeks (er, the past two before last weekend), Mum and I literally destroyed ourselves getting that stupid yard sale going. Our shoulders are STILL hurting from moving shit around. The only reason we did this to ourselves, was Grandmere swore up/down/sidwaise that we would get half of the total take of the sale.

…which was around 600$, quite a nice chunk of change for two people who had an outstanding electric bill and an upcoming holiday to save for.

So the sale’s going great, and Grandmere comes down on the second day to see how things are going…and promptly takes 400$ (what we had at the time) and leaves. Mum asks here later about spltting the money and magically…Grandmere has no idea what mum’s talking about and requests the rest of the money from Day Two.

as;oivjoefoejvj! Bitch!

And then she has the kindness to loan us the money for the electrical bill. Anyone wonder why I hate her? Seriously?

…my fingers hurt, stupid arthritis.

As for the previous post…mum and I talked about it later that night and came to an understanding, though things have only improved slightly. Though mum now understands why I constantly complain of being in pain after she had to spend two days in pain. I told her to try imagining spending weeks or months at a time in that same bed and then imagine the pain and she’d come close to where I am. She said she couldn’t imagine it and can’t understand how I can deal with it day in and day out. I reminded her that if it’s all you know, you learn to deal. *shrugs*

For those on Twitter, I’ve finally gotten into the grove on it, feel free to come see what insanity is my every random thought.

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So the most recent news here is…nothing.

We found the paperwork to prove we were NOT in default of the loan (in fact, our mortgage company sent us two letters on the same day, one saying our forbearance was concluded (meaning everything was good) and one saying they were expediting the foreclosure of the house and that they may ‘enter the domicile to conduct an inspection’.

My uncle, who…well, let’s call him a very mini-Donal Trump, he makes his money in real estate and the fact he’s a big name in the architectural world of the tech industry (meaning he designs and builds the buildings that houses Intel’s operations…I think, I just know he makes a hell of a lot of money, works in the tech industry, and has to do with their buildings), anyway, he’s handling the arguing with the morgage company. He got them to not forclose on the house (yay!), but they’re still working out the payments we owe, as we DO owe the forbance back, they just can’t decide by how much money.

So far our options are, A. $588 a month, which is what we agreed to, B. $700+ a month, which would take only twelve months, and get rid of the extra in the forbance.

Now, I understand what he’s saying when he says he wants us to pay the 700 a month for twelve months, as it would clear up the problem, and we wouldn’t be paying extra with fees and intrest…except one problem.

My uncle, who has never lived paycheck to paycheck, let alone hand to mouth, is asking us to use every single dime we have (and some we don’t), for twelve months. Meaning not only do we have to pay them, but we have to pay gas, electric, water/sewage, phone, insurance (house and car), cable (more on this later), food, household…and not have a dime left over. So if our animals got sick, we got sick, our car blew up, the house blew up, we blew up, God rained fire…we would have nothing in preperation for that (which is what my extra monthly money usually goes for).

Umm…no?

I like having a $200 safety net every month in case something goes wrong, like plumbing (which we had to fix ourselves this month because we didn’t have that safety net), or our animals do something funky and break their legs, or mum and I need medicine. I don’t like the idea of ‘yay, less house payments, boo, we now have to suffer because mom can’t afford her breathing medication’.

So yeah, I’m obviously voting the $500 option, uncle’s voting 700 and mums’ just very, very confused.

So we wait until Thursday, when mum talks to Uncle again, and then Friday, when uncle talks to Countrywide again.

But so far, no foreclosure, and no sudden vanishing act for six months from the computer (yes, that’s how long it was going to be).

*Note: Some people have bitched we have phone and cable services while being OMG poor! And yes, I see their point, if we shut them off we’d have money, but seriously, I’m not staring at a wall all day…and it’s not their vote anyway.

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I’m never listening to my mother again.  Seriously, next time she tells me which road to take, I’m going the other way.  Even if there isn’t an other way.

Scene: Me (the driver who hates driving large cars, like our shiny new SUV), Mum (le genius).

Mum: I want you to be careful, go slowly, and take old highway 99 (the highway in use before the shiny I-5 freeway) so that you don’t have to deal with other traffic.
Me: Right-o. *grabs keys, kisses mum and heads off to go grocery shopping before heading home*

An hour later…

Me: *happily having a ciggy while listening to George Carlin on my Ipod, watching the dark, dark road when all of a sudden OMGDEER!* Ohhhh shite! *slams on brakes and gets to know my seatbelt up close and personal*
Deer: OMGCar! *dashes*

Deer meet front bumper, front bumper meet deer.

Neck pain, meet vicodin!

OW! Fucking hell it still hurts. And the whole half an hour drive home I was flipping out that I not only damaged our shiny new car…but our insurance lapsed TODAY because we can’t find 70$ for the payment. I get to McDonalds and pull in to get dinner and see how dead I am…

Not a flipping scratch ANYWHERE on the front and side where I hit the deer. And I know I hit the deer, I felt it! Hell, I’m still feeling it.

In other news, Mum was transfered to Rouge River, down south from here by about…two hours. So I can’t visit her again, but I get to talk to her. It’s said to be a good place, so I’m happy with that. And…slightly happy I can’t visit her because things aren’t going well between us. She’s blaming me still, partially, about her depression (because I bitch and moan about being sick…it’s what I do, damnit! I complain and I like complaining!), and in addition to that, she’s still being rather verbally abusive to me, taking out her anger and frustration about things on me, yet whining when I get pissed off (and rightly so I think) about the fact I’m paying her the equivalent of 470$ without seeing a dime returned, even when she all but swears on her life she will pay me back. I know she’s my mum and some things should slide, but…I would kind of like to have a freaking dollar to myself to be able to buy a new book or SOMETHING!

Arg, and speaking of that, she did it AGAIN! I had fifty dollars left over after covering my bills and rent, fifty dollars that I was putting aside for her christmas gift (she wants a new vaccum…and I want to buy her a good one because she always buys them second hand or way too cheap and for once she deserves a decent one since that’s all she wants for Christmas).

Anyway, I’ve been holding that money hostage, even though I’ve been dying for a new book for about six months now (haven’t had one for about a year, but it’s only been recently that I’ve been craving a new one). And what does she do? Ask (more like demand) I use the money to pay our phone bill (and internet), because she can’t fucking figure out why a budget is a good idea, and can’t afford it.

I’m getting so fucking sick of this. I really, really am.

…and my neck hurts! *cries*

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

had one of the world’s shittiest nights. Not only have I been up an un-godly amount of time and am STILL sick…

But I spent the night caring for a dying kitten from about 7pm until she finally passed at 7am. Twelve hours of trying to make her at least comfortable, while hoping she would survive…And she didn’t even get to die peacefully, damnit! She seized at the last moment and ended up thrashing around…that’s not exactly the last image I want of her!

On top of that, mum finally agreed to surrender Kira (the puppy neither of us can control or train) to the animal shelter, so I spent half an hour trying to load a 50lb dog into our new car, while trying not to think that that was the last time I was going to see her (and I don’t even like the dog, damnit!).

I’m just…very drained and numb right now. I can’t even think or feel, let alone grieve for either animal.

I’m trying not to have a “Why me?” pity party in my head, which means trying to distract myself…which ISN’T WORKING! And I have a full disk of photos to edit…half of which contain the now late Mouse.

….can this day be over yet?

R.I.P. DoorMouse, daughter of Seth:

and goodbye, Kerradine:

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Atem and Seth gave birth about a week or so ago, mum’s not happy, but she can’t stop hugging the kittens every chance she gets.

It’s…intresting, helping to birth new kittens, especially with new mothers. Atem almost had her kittens ON me (Luckily the blood and fluids came out of my night dress *face*). She would NOT be alone though, so I spent the night with her as she gave birth to two beautiful kittens. She since moved them under the easy chair so it’s hard to check up on them *pouts*.

Seth gave birth a day later…in the backyard. She came to get me before she even removed the placenta and umbilical cords…luckily I had a spare pair of scissors to help her. She moved the kittens to the attic, but we have since moved them to the linen closet where we can keep a better eye on their health.

( Ra, Isis and Osiris )

I’ll try to get pictures of Rolly and Polly next time they’re out for their checks.

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

So mum goes in for her sugery tomorrow. At last count, she had a 20% chance of survival, which means there’s a 70% chance that I’m going to be burrying my mother sometime within the next three days.

Is it any wonder I’m stressed beyond all reason?

My mother brought someone in to help her after the surgery and this woman is driving me absolutely insane. She won’t leave me alone, constantly bothering me with questions or comments. I just…want to be alone to work and distract myself and I don’t really give a fuck if she’s going to the store or bed…heck, I don’t give a fuck in the slightest about ANYTHING she’s doing, yet I constantly know because SHE. WON’T. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!

ARG!

And if she gives me another disapproving look I’m going to deck her I swear to the GODS.

In other news, my grandmother is losing her bloody mind due to kidney failure. She’s currently in the hospital on dialasis, and when she first got there, she thought she was in a church (though, to her credit…it’s rather hard to tell the diffrence considering it’s a catholic hospital and you can’t escape that fact), also, she called my mother the next day claiming she was being kidnapped and to get the police down there (she has access to a phone, I’m just rather thankful she didn’t actually call the police).

Anyway, my Uncles are here (well, two of them, apparently the rest of the family has willfully forgotten I have three uncles). My uncle Micheal (the rich one), is currently ‘locking down’ all of my grandmother’s belongings. It’s rather…well it’s partially amusing and partially annoying, as he does this so he can later take control of the estate when someone dies (he did this with my Great Grandfather and promptly lost most of the value of his estate, and then absorbed the rest of it into his accounts). My mother is pissed at this, as she’s the one whose been here and dealing with Grandmere for the past sixteen years instead of them and doesn’t think that my uncle should reap the rewards.

Okay, so maybe I’m painting him with a tainted brush, since I honestly don’t know what he’s thinking, I’m just going by what I’ve seen and what my mother’s told me…it’s hard to imagine that this man I looked up to could be so underhanded…then again, we are related by blood.

He’s apparently looking for a new job, and I HATE him for it, because of who he’s in talks with. I would kill to work for this company, seriously. It’s one of the hugest and best companies to work for. But, I guess that’s what happens when you have skills and talent. I’m still attempting to learn how to properly code a website without having to whine to my best friend that I crashed it.

So mum dragged me to have my first photoshoot in ten years...was kind of fun, got some interesting pictures. This was of course, BEFORE we had a massive row, something which has been going on for several days now. I have no idea why we just can't stop fighting. Anyway, select shots below.

( The Good )

( ...then we started goofing off )

( I swear we're paying attention... )

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Fun with technical support:

Me: *after fiddling with two computers, three cords and way too much crap* Hi, I need to have my second ethernet jack replaced.

Tech Support: Alright, but let’s *run through various steps that have no purpose and you’ve probably already done* run through some steps.

Me: *groan of disbelief* Alright.

Later…

Tech Support: I can’t figure out your set-up *even though you’ve explained it three times, progressing from normal explination to ‘five-year-old’*

Me: *bored now* The DSL line goes from the box to the DSL jack, the DSL line goes from the jack to the modem, the Ethernet line goes from the modem to the Ethernet jack in room A, the Ethernet line goes from the Ethernet jack in Room A to the Ethernet jack in room B, the Ethernet line goes from the Ethernet jack in room B to Laptop C.

Tech Support: I don’t get it

Me: *must not hit self with phone….*

Even Later…

Tech Support: Ma’am, you need to replace your Ethernet jack in Room B

Me: *hits self with phone*

Transfers…

Customer Service: How may I help you?

Me: I need to replace my ethernet jack *hopeful*

Customer Service: *after hold* Someone will replace it Monday.

Me: *glory and god!* Thank you!

…WTF?! I was on the phone with you lot for an HOUR! For something I TOLD you when I was routed to you!

Also: Fun with Phone Company (who also provides internet)

Me: *dial 411*

411: City and State Please,

Me: Frontier Customer Support, Oregon

411: Ma’am I need a city.

Me: It’s an 800 number.

411: Ma’am I need…

Me: Let me rephrase that, I need the Customer Support number FOR YOUR COMPANY.

411: One moment ma’am, while I get that for you.

(yes, I should have given her a city, except I DON’T KNOW THE CITY OF Frontier Customer Support…it’s like…somewhere, how the fuck should I know?)

Now I have to call the bank…any ideas on what crap I’ll get from them to round out my morning?

PS: Grandmere had emergency surgery…is fine and bitchy!

Edit: Bank went fine…except me mis-typing my new debit card number as I’m used to the reversed 10-key.

Son of Edit: Am I seriously that hard up that I’m contomplating the merits of making out with a guy that I’ve considered a dork since we were ELEVEN? Jebsus.