Memoirs of a Nobody

when something goes wrong with this blighted house its in the middle of the night when I cant get help. *stares at faucet that wont shut off* Its times like this I wish I allowed myself to drink during stress.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

I'm going home Sunday, finally paying $500 I don't have for the tickets. I feel very broken inside and wish it was Monday already so it would be over.

There's a lot of stuff going on here and a lot of stuff going on in OR and I just want it all to go away so I can stop crying. I want to be happy again, but that's going to be a long time coming.

also, it kind of hurts when someone says "It's time for you to leave", while you're in the middle of sobbing your broken little heart out.

I ordered two used books off of amazon.com to read on the flight home from arizona. One arrived promptly and is waiting to be packed in my carry on (provided I stop reading it first) and the other finally arrived, a bit late, but as I haven't left yet, no big.

The main problem is, the seller decided it would be a great idea to stick a sticker on the back of the book (which has no dust cover), thus ruining the back of the book when I tried to remove it.

Like I said, minor, but irksome considering I try not to damage my hard cover books (paperbacks however...) and now the back papery cover is torn about an inch.

Not bothering to contact the seller beyond the feedback left as there's no sense returning it and I just have to suck it up, but a heads up if you ever order from Green is Good, LLC off amazon.com.

I am without internet again because the external wireless card I bought snapped in half (no, I have no idea how it happened, I just woke up one morning to it in pieces). I'll be on dad's comp when I can and I'll be back online if walmart does an exchange on the card (yeah right).

Sorry if it seems I'm ignoring anyone, I'm not.

Well, I now have intermittent internet since my wireless card decided to die, but I'm alive.

Still in Arizona and feeling incredibly homesick, but it's a need vs want thing, I want to get home, return to my life, my animals, etc...I need to stay here and use the time to pay off those bills that went haywire in November due to being short $.

*sigh* I hate being grown up. I love spending time with the family though, so that balances it.

I'm starting to suffer panic attacks nd nightmares agin though, no idea why, but that and the seven dogs living here are not allowing me to get much sleep (hmm, which could also be feeding the nighmares nd panic attacks...)

I hope everyone had a happy winter holiday nd tht the new year is best as it can be.

in the middle of an extraction:

"Oops"

"Shit"

"Wow that's a lot of bone"

"A bit more bleeding then expected..."

"That's a crater!"

(yes, my dentist said all this today during my tooth extraction)

My chipped tooth doesn't hurt and should be fixed next Friday.

My house is free of fleas (Hallalujah!)

Bad news: My laptop still has water in it!

Evrery once in a while, I take one of those nice, relaxing bubble baths that take an hour. During this time, I enjoy reading, being it a good book or something on the computer. Now, I'm generally smarter then to bring the laptop INTO the tub, and rest it on a bath chair just over the 'splash' zone, so that I can see it, but it won't get wet.

Have an idea what happened yet?

Recently, I changed out my shower head from the massager to a normal one I got from the energy trust fund of Oregon (saves energy and the like). However, having a severe backache after work, I decided to switch them back for this bath, so that I could lay against the massager and relax those muscles in my lower back that are hard to reach.

I used the laptop for music, closed the curtain, turned on the massager and proceeded to veg to the high spray relaxing my back and the scent of sweet melon bubble bath...

...not realizing I hadn't tightened the shower head enough and there was a tiny gap in the shower curtain....

An hour later I get out of the tub to find a small puddle, no big, throw a towel down, grab the still going laptop and head to the living room...where the laptop crashed violently and wouldn't re-start without loud crackling and water dripping from the right side of the laptop.

Cue the panic attack. Hours later, the laptop finally loads, but I now have half a brightly glowing screen (water trapped in the LCD screen) and most of my keyboard shorted out.

Days later, most of the water has evaporated from the screen, but the keyboard's still shot (I'm using a PC keyboad right now...for a few days was stuck with the on-screen keyboad which is a bitch). So, lesson learned...thankfully not as expensive lesson as it could have been (a $20
keyboard is preferable to a $1500 laptop).

Now, no more laptop in the bathroom, even if it is in a 'safe' location.

So, I saw a single metor during tonight's shower (yup, just one, but it was perfect), and I wish I could say it caused me to realize something interesting and profound (like honey bees and flowers do), but really, it was just a pretty star shooting across the sky.

Depsite all the ideals that were just specks compared to the universe and our problems are so insignifigant in the big picture...they're really not.

My need of housing isn't small or insignifigant, my pain and grief isn't small, neither is my fear. They're real problems that exist and need to be delt with, no matter how small my life may be compared to the universe. Speck I may be, but even specks need a place to lay their head.

So I saw a metor, had a nice night, didn't realize anything earth shattering...but still, one pretty, perfect metor to make me smile, so all in all, a good night.

Just found a large black bug trying to crawl the desert that is my livingroom floor (well, it would be a desert to him).

I managed to get a cup over him (and had flashback to the very large, hocky puck shaped beetle that invaded our home in California. Dad put a ceramic cereal bowl over it and the bowl started walking away...thankfully the cup stayed put or I would be typing this from the next county over) and tried to identify if it was a roach or beetle before getting too grossed out and just tossing him out the door (and making sure he didn't return back up the ramp...he ran the other way).

Sooo creepy and gross, hate insects as much as I hate spiders (if not more, I live with certain spiders, insects all die).

I haven't seen any more (or any before) so I'm siding with beetle and going the hell to bed before I sit up all night with a book ready to kill.