Memoirs of a Nobody

Tells me I'm 'making excuses' when I state I can't do something, I'm going to punch them in the face until they drown in their own blood.

I know my limitations, be they intillectual, physical or emotional. I have lived with my limitations for thirty years now, I think I know better then some random twit what I can and cannot do.

The only one who gets away with this is my doctor and that's because she's either an idiot or hard of hearing, but it's selective so I'm ignoring her ignoring me.

I just had a visit from my lovely neighbor, who is in a tizzy because OMG my car is ONE FECKING INCH into her property line (which it actually isn't if I bothered to go out there and show her where the property line is actually located).

Seriously, bitch? This is your biggest fucking issue that you had to drag me out of my sick bed and bitch to me that my one inch over car is pissing you off and causing you issues?

Grow the fuck up, it's an inch. My car's been blocked in by our other neighbor for three days but you don't see me storming over there and thrwoing a shit fit over it, I have better things to do and bigger problems going on in my life.

Go fucking get a life and stay the fuck off my property (including my ACTUAL property which you keep throwing your fucking lawn clippings all over)

The new kitten is constipated and screams while going.

The new kitten is a eating machine and screams for food.

The new kitten is lonely and screams just for the hell of it.

...I'm about ready to scream at the new kitten.

*pants* I have never had this much trouble with kittens, never. And to top it off, the other four would rather I tossed her out rather then helping me by showing her things, even the mostly Maternal Seth who will bath and care for any cat she comes across, even the old man.

Wanna see how fast I drop a service I've used since it's inception? On Sept 01, I will probably delete my Netflix account while flipping them off.

Netflix also announced it is separating its unlimited streaming and unlimited DVD plans in the U.S. to better reflect the costs of each and to give members a choice: a streaming-only plan, a DVD-only plan or the option to subscribe to both.

With this change, Netflix will no longer be offering unlimited plans that include both streaming and DVDs by mail. The unlimited streaming plan will remain at $7.99 a month. The price for getting both unlimited streaming and unlimited DVDs will be $15.98 a month ($7.99 + $7.99).

First of all, I haven't paid 7.99 for my account since I got it (unlimited + 1 DVD a month). I've paid 9.99.

Secondly, a service I've enjoyed for ages is now costing me almost double for something that's barely worth writing home about anyway (streaming videos can't compete with my other media sources, except when I'm sick in bed).

So thanks, netflix, I've used your company since it opened, but now I'll be happily moving far away from you.

Neighbor: Don't squirt your dog with water! He just wants attention!

Me: *looks up from watching Hunter the Dog chase the garden hose, confused* I...know? *goes back to watering the dog/lawn*

Neighbor: *annoyed 'omg she's a freaking animal abuser' sign*

Me: *to Hunter* Did she really just....

Dude, seriously, did you just imply I'm spraying my dog with water from the hose to hurt him? He's running around, barking and trying to bite the freaking water! He's LIKING IT! It's seventy-five flipping degrees and he has a huge ass fur coat, not wetting him down would be abuse in this heat.

I seriously hate my neighbors somedays.

(and no, these are not the two idiots who keep reporting my cats, that's a whole other set of neighbors).

Apparently, you can burn (*cough* set fire to *cough*) an electric burner if you cook it on high for years on end (which...is only about six years). I now have to buy a new burner..and sweep ash out of the old one. I miss gas stoves that have metal burners and could take a decent beating.

I feel constantly high...drugged.

It's not the happy "Life is great and happy' drugged, but the foggy, dreamscape, dear god make it stop I just want to focus drugged that makes you want to cry because it Won't. Go. Away.

I've stopped all of my medications and it's not fading so it's not those, I'm eating less (bad, I know) but eating doesn't fix it so it's not the hypoglycimia...I just want to be awake...focusable. This is driving me insane because it's intrfearing with my life, I can't read, I can't watch tv, I can barely pay attention to Chris the few times we're able to get together online...I can't even sit here and focus on this post without my mind wandering into ether.

*falls over* go away groggy drugged feeling, I want my life back.

It's 9.30 at night, you see something you want to buy in the classified ads, do you A. wait until a more reasonable time tomorrow or B. take a chance on possibly waking someone up by calling them.

If you're the asshole who just called me, guess what, you don't get a ladder. Especially if your message is 'what kinda ladder is it?"

...a fucking house ladder! What the hell else kind would it be? If it was some super special awsome ladder, I would have mentioned it. It's a normal, every day metal ladder, formerly (as in last summer) fifty dollars, now five dollars because I want it gone. It's the deal of the fucking century!

Oh, but you were an asswipe and woke me the fuck up, so no ladder for you! You're going to the special level of hell as the woman who woke me up at 9am and then never showed up (for mum's walker, once $200 now $20). I swear to god the next person that wakes me up over these items will get called back just so I can scream at them.

...I don't like being woken up...

Brain? Yeah, don't appreciate a sobbing fit right as I'm about to fall asleep (I am aware I miss my mother, I didn't need to spend an hour crying over it). Also don't appreciate it when I'm trying to quit smoking thus my anxiety level skyrockets due to the fit.

Ugh, last night was bad and this morning didn't get any better when I woke up (still apparently crying as my eyes hurt and there are tried tears on my face) to find Direct TV was shut off. I CANNOT be left alone with my thoughts right now, so I go to call them....

...I had to be transfered to the retentions department before someone realized they could in fact, turn it back on. (Yes, I know Retentions has magic powers that other CSA's don't have, but it shouldn't have taken half an hour to figure out who had the magic).

But, my telly's back, and I'm slowly catching up on the sleep I've been missing this week (and last night).

I just wish the cig cravings would go away so I can work on other things.

There's something that's been bugging me since my last phone call with my maternal Great Grandmother (this is the one not speaking to the rest of the family because of some stupid fight over a debt she owes Grandmere). Grandma Dee (the great-grandmother in question) asked how Grandmere was. She meant how her relationship was with me (once more because of my mother's lies and half-truths), but I mistakenly thought she actually was asking after Grandmere herself, so I told her honestly, fine, but getting sicker as she is dying. Grandma Dee interupted me, telling me 'she doesn't care about that', in the rudest tone I have ever heard outside myself.

...umm, what?

Okay, yes, I know they have this stupid tiff going on (that Grandmere doesn't even CARE about, the only one who does is Grandma Dee), but did you seriously just say you don't care that your DAUGHTER is DYING.

Dude...seriously?

HOW am I related to these people? Yes, Grandmere's gotten better since Mum died and she's actually TRYING to get to know me, but both of my clos(ish) uncles have pretty much written me off thanks to mum's stories and now I'm caught in the middle of some odd family war between Grandma Dee/Uncle Walter and Grandmere, Uncle Mike and Uncle David...all because I actually have a soul and human decency (shock!) and give a damn about those who share my blood. I don't give a damn who did what to whom or who said what to whom way back when (except for Grandpa David whose a jackass and I one day hope to spit on his grave), so STOP PUTTING ME IN THE MIDDLE, and while you're at it, stop treating me like shit just because my mother told you all these stories that aren't even close to reality (seriously, you people KNOW my mother, she was not right in the head and told different stories to everyone to twist shit up...how is it I'm the only one who knows what the fuck is going on and you people supposedly 'knew her better' then I did).

I still can't get past being disgusted at what Grandma Dee said. Even if you think that way about your own family, let alone your own CHILD, you don't say shit like that out loud. You smile, nod and move the conversation along to something more interesting to you.

There are times I hate the Loeffler/Hill/Burge side of my family with all of my black little heart...and yet, because we are bound by blood, I'm also forced to love them by some force beyond my control. I just wish they would all grow the fuck up.