saitaina | It’s… (Reply)

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

oddly quiet in the house, even with eleven cats, two dogs, a video game and telivision blaring. I can hear the house settling, and it’s just like my mother walking down the hall…so much so that I look up, expecting to see her.

My mother went left for surgery at 5am, I gave her a hug at 4.30 before taking a sleeping pill in an attempt to escape my stress. I ended up waking up every hour after. At twelve am I was finally told she was out of surgery and in recovery.

There was the complication of her bleeding more then they expected.

I feel…numb. Like I can’t stop worrying because I know that there are complications that come after surgery and we’re not out of the woods yet…I can still get a call telling me that she’s gone. I want to scream every time the phone rings.

I’m so tired, yet I can’t close my eyes, in case I miss something.

I want to go to sleep and wake up when things are better and I feel like scum for wanting to escape it all.

Edit: 4.47p: I just got off the phone with the nurse, as no one has declaired me worthy of news. Mum is resting comfortably and currently stable. Yay!

Edit: 6.24pm: I just talked to mum, she’s groggy as shit, which is to be expected. Apparently even though they TOLD her they were slitting her stomach wide open, she under-estimated how much pain she’d be in, so she’s whining about it. *giggles*