Next week…

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I have a dr appointment regarding the infection.  We’ll find out where to proceed once we know the disease is gone.  My worries are back, but I’m trying to keep them out of my mind again.  What happens happens, I can’t change that, I can only think of how to proceed, good or bad.

I think the stress of surpressing my worries and fears is getting to me though.  My sleep habits are screwed up beyond beleif and when I finally do manage to sleep (usually with the help of medication), I have dreams surrounding the issue.  Although last nights was just odd, I dreamed instead of possibly being infertle, that I was dying and only had fifteen monthes to live (wtf?!  Where the hell does my brain come up with fifteen monthes?!).  It was…odd.

The weirdest/saddest/oddest/whatever thing is when I was younger, I used to WANT a hystorectomy (ms), due to other health problems.  The idea of not having children because of it was a choice I was willing to make, but now that I’m facing this, with no choice in the matter…I want to rebel against the idea.

Guess it’s one of those you don’t know what you want until you don’t have it anymore things.  Here’s hoping that’s not the result.