Memories of a Stalker

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Oh bother. I just looked through some of my old files and found this amusing IM from my old stalker. The backstory is I kicked this person off one of my role-play lists (hence the god term, it was a joke on my lists that I was the List God) and this person harrased me up until I threatened turning it into a legal matter. So if you want to be amused, take a look (I’m listed as LuciusDracoMalf though I no longer use that name for obvious reasons)

SaitainaFan (10:23:00 AM): I can’t believe I’m talking to you!
SaitainaFan (10:23:08 AM): I love your stories! And your webpage!
LuciusDracoMalf (10:23:15 AM): Uh huh
SaitainaFan (10:23:33 AM): I love you! Will you marry me??
LuciusDracoMalf (10:23:48 AM): Sorry, I’m taken.
SaitainaFan (10:24:26 AM): Does he groan?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:24:32 AM): Pardon?
SaitainaFan (10:24:50 AM): Does he moan?
SaitainaFan (10:25:09 AM): Does he roll over? That’s the most impotant!
SaitainaFan (10:25:13 AM): I mean important
LuciusDracoMalf (10:25:50 AM): Excuse me darling. But while I’m quite happy you like my fiction and site I will have to ask you to back off now as you are moving into inapproriate territory.
SaitainaFan (10:26:34 AM): Sorry
SaitainaFan (10:26:37 AM): I’m just excited
SaitainaFan (10:26:50 AM): I like your picture, though
LuciusDracoMalf (10:26:56 AM): It’s quite alright just try not to get a little too excited.

What picture is that?
SaitainaFan (10:27:09 AM): The one on your IM
LuciusDracoMalf (10:27:23 AM): Oh! Yes I quite like that one too. :o)
SaitainaFan (10:27:45 AM): Do you have a mailing list or something?
SaitainaFan (10:27:51 AM): So I can keep up with your stuff?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:28:01 AM): Yes I do, Alternate Historians which can be found at YahooGroups.
SaitainaFan (10:28:29 AM): alternate historians? Sounds freaky
SaitainaFan (10:28:33 AM): LOL
LuciusDracoMalf (10:28:53 AM): The name comes because we change the history of the fandoms we play with. Sort of a joke :o)
SaitainaFan (10:29:08 AM): hahahaaah
SaitainaFan (10:29:13 AM): That’s so funny!
SaitainaFan (10:29:22 AM): Ure such a genius
LuciusDracoMalf (10:29:46 AM): Thank you darling but I’m not quite a genius yet.
SaitainaFan (10:30:11 AM): Yet is a key word here
SaitainaFan (10:30:14 AM): Right?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:30:17 AM): Right.
SaitainaFan (10:30:24 AM): okay
SaitainaFan (10:30:28 AM): he moaned
LuciusDracoMalf (10:30:55 AM): Pardon?
SaitainaFan (10:31:12 AM): Sorry, I had an itch
LuciusDracoMalf (10:31:21 AM): Ah
SaitainaFan (10:31:44 AM): I should really go into dark places to do that
SaitainaFan (10:31:51 AM): Sorry
LuciusDracoMalf (10:31:52 AM): Uh huh
SaitainaFan (10:32:16 AM): Do you ever have to scratch yourself?
SaitainaFan (10:32:26 AM): I think you’re probably very sexy
LuciusDracoMalf (10:32:53 AM): Excuse me, once again in territor we should not be in. Please refrain from such comments.
SaitainaFan (10:33:11 AM): Sorry
SaitainaFan (10:33:15 AM): But r u sexy?
SaitainaFan (10:33:19 AM): Just asking
SaitainaFan (10:33:25 AM): U gotta pic?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:33:41 AM): Sexy is a figment of the imagineation. Beauty is within.

No.
SaitainaFan (10:33:51 AM): That sux
SaitainaFan (10:34:10 AM): So are u beautifull?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:34:33 AM): I belive I am. I am beautfiul because of what I do not because of my looks.
SaitainaFan (10:34:46 AM): So r u ugly outside?
SaitainaFan (10:34:55 AM): Not that it matters
LuciusDracoMalf (10:35:29 AM): No. I’m beautfiul in both cases I just prefer to be beautiful for my works instead of my face.
SaitainaFan (10:35:29 AM): Can you write a story for me?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:35:42 AM): Depends on what it’s about.
SaitainaFan (10:35:50 AM): Harry Potter
SaitainaFan (10:35:55 AM): In the HP fandom
SaitainaFan (10:36:01 AM): Like you know?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:36:02 AM): I guessed that.
SaitainaFan (10:36:10 AM): I’m glad you did
SaitainaFan (10:36:40 AM): Can u do evil?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:37:09 AM): Depends on the evil. I don’t belive in pure and ultamite evil so if that’s what you’re asking, no.
SaitainaFan (10:37:32 AM): I’m asking can u write bad guys well?
SaitainaFan (10:37:39 AM): Like Voldemort?
SaitainaFan (10:37:42 AM): He’s sexy
LuciusDracoMalf (10:37:47 AM): Reasonably well.
SaitainaFan (10:38:05 AM): How about the death eaters?
SaitainaFan (10:38:21 AM): Like Lucius?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:38:24 AM): I do Lucius too soft and Crabbe and Goyle too stupid so I don’t think I can do them well.
SaitainaFan (10:38:25 AM): And Wormtail
LuciusDracoMalf (10:38:40 AM): If you’re a fan of my work you’ve seen my portrayal of those three…
SaitainaFan (10:38:58 AM): Yeah, but I mean a story just for me
SaitainaFan (10:39:13 AM): So I can scratch myself
SaitainaFan (10:39:18 AM): Sorry, wrong IM
LuciusDracoMalf (10:39:40 AM): uh huh
SaitainaFan (10:39:52 AM): u forgive me?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:40:25 AM): Of course.

I will think about you’re request as I have a full plate of fics at the moment.
SaitainaFan (10:41:21 AM): But no, really, I do personally prefer the finer things in life. I would enjoy nothing better than sitting back and relaxing to the wonderful, flowing words of beautifully-written fanfiction, done by a person whose writing skills outweigh the normal writer. Do you agree?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:42:53 AM): I do but I really don’t think I outweigh a normal writer. There are far better writers in the fandom then myself.
SaitainaFan (10:43:14 AM): You are too, too modest
SaitainaFan (10:43:24 AM): But to be honest, I have read better.
LuciusDracoMalf (10:43:33 AM): SaitainaFan (10:43:53 AM): That does not mean, of course, that my love for you is fickle
SaitainaFan (10:44:03 AM): Do u agree?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:44:26 AM): Uh huh
SaitainaFan (10:44:51 AM): I have made a rap song
SaitainaFan (10:44:55 AM): Do u want to hear it?
SaitainaFan (10:44:59 AM): It’s about you
LuciusDracoMalf (10:45:01 AM): Oh?
SaitainaFan (10:45:33 AM): well do u?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:45:41 AM): Not at the moment.
SaitainaFan (10:45:48 AM): U r mean
SaitainaFan (10:45:50 AM): I cry
LuciusDracoMalf (10:46:12 AM): I’m sorry I’m just at work right now and while I would LOVE to hear it…
SaitainaFan (10:46:13 AM): I need to scratch my genitals
LuciusDracoMalf (10:46:17 AM): uh huh
SaitainaFan (10:46:34 AM): OIC
SaitainaFan (10:46:42 AM): What do you do for a living?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:47:15 AM): I’m a writer.
SaitainaFan (10:47:24 AM): do u get payed?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:48:23 AM): Not as of yet.
SaitainaFan (10:48:50 AM): that sux
SaitainaFan (10:48:55 AM): why not?
SaitainaFan (10:49:22 AM): But I thought that you were God
LuciusDracoMalf (10:49:30 AM): Not, I’m not.
SaitainaFan (10:49:38 AM): But you claim to be
LuciusDracoMalf (10:49:39 AM): be right back, have to go turn off the stove
SaitainaFan (10:49:52 AM): Wouldn’t want to burn yourself, now, would you?
LuciusDracoMalf (10:49:56 AM): No, I don’t. Please stop IMing me right now and leave. ME. ALONE!
SaitainaFan (10:49:56 AM): Or your house down?