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Aug. 21st, 2004
I keep slacking off on research for the third book (which is still titleless) nor do I know how to write a non fictional book about stories everyone already knows. My first book is an unedited failure that I self published just to get my Grandmere off my arse. My second manuscript is sitting in a basket waiting to be edited...except I have to take a hatchet to over half the book because I wrote it in a period where I sucked and my co-author...well there's so many things wrong with that idea that I'm tempted to just chop him off the book and be done with it.
I want kids but there's no viable way to have them at this moment in my life...and it feels like time's slipping away for me to have them. My mere won't shut up about the idea though...or she tells me I'm still young...make up your mind lady!
I keep planning for what happens after my mere is gone...because things just seem to be getting worse with her, but I'm scared for when that moment happens. I've never been able to stand on my own two feet. I'm a whiney spoiled brat whose always had her mere to hold her hand. How do I cope when I'm alone?
The only true future I see for myself, this moment in time is me, living alone in a house I hate, surounded by cats and a murderious dog, my only true connection to the outside world this computer watching as the world passes me by for another decade. I'll still be an overweight freak whom hasn't had a date since her ex-fiancee wondered off. The weird old lady they whisper about in town and warn children to stay away from.
It's not a happy future...but I can't see a way to change it.
Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.
I need to move on with my life. Really, I’m getting bored with being stuck in the same rut of books that aren’t written, fanfiction that I’ve been writing for four years, the same endless span of days that all look the same. Though i’m still hitting the same brick wall. No money for college (and do I really want to attempt a third try after getting kicked out twice?), no one wants to hire someone who only has a GED, I can’t figure out the plot for Vlad (do I do the past, the present…both? Why the hell is Vlad wanting to wear boxers throught the book? And how come Radu keeps looking like Mical?).
I keep slacking off on research for the third book (which is still titleless) nor do I know how to write a non fictional book about stories everyone already knows. My first book is an unedited failure that I self published just to get my Grandmere off my arse. My second manuscript is sitting in a basket waiting to be edited…except I have to take a hatchet to over half the book because I wrote it in a period where I sucked and my co-author…well there’s so many things wrong with that idea that I’m tempted to just chop him off the book and be done with it.
I want kids but there’s no viable way to have them at this moment in my life…and it feels like time’s slipping away for me to have them. My mere won’t shut up about the idea though…or she tells me I’m still young…make up your mind lady!
I keep planning for what happens after my mere is gone…because things just seem to be getting worse with her, but I’m scared for when that moment happens. I’ve never been able to stand on my own two feet. I’m a whiney spoiled brat whose always had her mere to hold her hand. How do I cope when I’m alone?
The only true future I see for myself, this moment in time is me, living alone in a house I hate, surounded by cats and a murderious dog, my only true connection to the outside world this computer watching as the world passes me by for another decade. I’ll still be an overweight freak whom hasn’t had a date since her ex-fiancee wondered off. The weird old lady they whisper about in town and warn children to stay away from.
It’s not a happy future…but I can’t see a way to change it.