saitaina | Taking a stab at the myths and facts of gay marriage

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

The idea of legalizing same sex marriage is a hot button right now in the state of Oregon. Both sides are at a fever pitch, each lining up their best points to sway the undecided in preparation for a possible November vote.

The problem? Several myths are left floating round that have yet to be challenged. False information leaves those who still have no thoughts on the matter unsure and confused about the truth. I’m here to put a rest to some of those myths, and hopefully give insight.

The Myths-

1. “We must protect traditional marriage and the traditional family.”

Marriage was “traditionally” defined as a union of two people of the same religion or the same race, or one in which wives were the property of their husbands. Those “traditional” elements of marriage changed to reflect this nation’s core principles of equality for all people. Marriage should be defined to include the committed relationships of same-sex couples as well.

Same-sex marriage could not cause harm to someone’s marriage and family. No documentation exists which gives credence to this myth. In fact, European countries which have given massive legal recognition to same-sex relationships have reported no harm to opposite-sex couples and their families.

2. “If we allow gay marriage, what’s next? Are we going to allow marriage between 3 (or more) people?”

When the U.S. Supreme Court concluded that laws barring black people from marrying white people were invalid and unconstitutional, opponents insisted that marriage by definition was for partners of the same race and argued the court’s decision would lead to polygamy. That was not the case. The question of who can marry is a different question from how many can marry.

They are asking the government to grant same-sex couples the same rights they grant opposite-sex couples. Since the government has chosen to involve itself in the relationship of two individuals, for it to choose which couples get marriage rights is discrimination. They are not asking the government to change marriage, but to remember a group of people that were forgotten.

3. ” What about the effects on children?”

When children are subjected to systematic prejudice on a daily basis, such as the children of gay families, it poses far-reaching problems. Marriage protects children. And since many lesbians and gay men do have children, they are denied the right to raise them within a marital relationship. Also, studies done in the last 20 years show that children from gay parents are very well-adjusted and happy. Studies also show that kids do not necessarily need just one mother and one father so much as they need good nurturers and positive role models.

4. “The Bible says marriage is between one man and one woman; it is a religious institution.”

Civil marriage is a government institution that grants hundreds of state rights and over 1,000 federal rights. When a couple goes to the County Clerk’s office for a marriage license, religion plays no role. The U.S. Constitution makes no mention of the bible or any other religious text. There is no clear definition of exactly what constitutes marriage — for example, at least in the Old Testament, polygamy is permitted, since several of the biblical figures had multiple wives. Although gay people have had religious wedding ceremonies performed, many in the freedom to marry movement are not asking for religions to accept same-sex couples’ vows.

5. “Wouldn’t gay marriage mean the further breakdown of the family?”

The breakdown of the family is their concern, too. Many including gay people, believe that families are important for society and although many marriage end in divorce, marriage fulfills an important role in supporting families and the communities around us. Families are (and should) be made of love, respect, sacrifice and commitment. The same values that led us to recognize and respect marriages between opposite-sex couples, should inspire us to recognize and respect marriages of same-sex couples. Recognition of same-sex couples and their families would be a positive addition to the diversity in our communities.