International Game of Tag/Dear Diary

[saitaina]

Title: International Game of Tag
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: PG
Summary: Rage watches Shuichi at the airport and "speaks" to him. Takes place during vol. 9. Companion piece to "International Game of Hide and Seek" and "International Game of Simon Says".



I can see you from here, waiting to board your flight back to Japan. She’s sitting next to you, chatting on about something while your producer (how the hell did HE get to be president of NG Productions?!) holds an ice pack to his forehead and Claude polishes his gun.

You’re not paying attention to any of them, though. No, you’re thoughts are on him, the beautiful Ice Prince. How did he capture you, my angel? How could someone so heartless capture such a beauty as you?

I claim that what I feel for you is love, but I know it’s really just a crush. An infatuation...a dream. Lust and fondness based solely on an image, imagination and limited meetings under pressure. But it’s such a nice dream.

What would it be like to have you truly look at me, instead of through me? What would it be like to have you in my life, in my arms? Would you love me? Or simply tolerate me?

I’ve never had much luck in love. How could I? Men generally want two things from me, money or sex...sometimes three if you include the XMR contract that they seem to think I hand out like candy.

I can’t fault them, I knew what they wanted before they even approached me and opened their mouths...and I still went right along with it. I let them use me because I had nothing else.

But, you’re different. You have your own money, your own name...and that appeals to me. So, not only are you beautiful, funny, sweet, adorable, and just...perfect, but I also wouldn’t have to worry with you about what you are truly after. I could be free.

Is it any wonder I have a crush on you?

But, you don’t want me. That is the other difference then the long string of men that have shared my life. You’re too hung up on him.

I honestly can’t see what you could love about him. Sure, he’s gorgeous; I’ll freely admit that. But beauty is only a factor when you’re looking for a one-night stand, not for a relationship.

He’s so cold. Not only to myself, which would be expected considering I’m trying to steal you away from him, but to you, his lover of what turns out to be almost three years.

You told me, before the first press conference, that you doubted I had ever been in love and I had no clue what I was talking about when I spoke of choosing between love or money.

Sorry to disappoint, my angel, but I have been in love. He was my world. He was my light and darkness and everything in-between. He was my right hand, up until the day he left me, unable to stand me any longer.

So I can understand your feelings, really I can. But just as I wasn’t worthy of that love, neither was he.

I know that’s in opposition of what I want. If he’s not worthy of you, then how could I be since I’m so much like him...only with breasts. But what one wants, and what is right are often different things.

I care about you, Shuichi, and he has already hurt you, so many times over. How long can you allow him to tear you apart? How long can you allow him to leech you until there’s nothing left?

How long until the pieces are too small to be put back together?

Your friends have tried to help you. Claude and Judy both tried. Sakano tries, though not very effectively, to help you. And you’re pushing them all away, spurning their attempts by returning to him tonight.

Has he ever told you he loves you? Has he ever done anything that makes him worthy of your devotion? Sure, he came over here for you, but was it really for you? Or was it because he’s not willing to let you go unless it’s on HIS terms?

He broke up with you, remember? Oh yes, I know the whole story. I know all about the little scene in the bar with you, and Eiri. I know of Seguchi’s role, and I know about Claude’s pushing.

He gave you up. He threw you away because Seguchi threw a little fit. Honestly! This is the man you love? A man willing to toss you aside the second Tohma pouts and acts like a spoiled little brat?

I would never give you up, Shuichi. I would hold onto you no matter who pouted, whined or bitched. I would hold onto you come hell or high water. I would hold onto you as the world fell down around us. For there is nothing, no man, woman, child or event that could tear you out of my arms.

They’re calling your flight now and you’re moving even further away from me. I want to reach out and touch you. I want to grab your hand and stop you from walking through that metal door, but I can’t. And just like that, you’re gone...

But not for long, my angel. I have never been one to give up easily. Not when I was a child and wanted a toy, not when I was sixteen and wanted to be the top of XMR. Not now that I’m eighteen and want you.

Bill and Ark are waiting for me at XMR’s hanger. I only have moments to watch your plane as it starts it’s journey before I have to leave myself. We have a stop to make in California, a small errand to take care of, but soon...soon my angel.

I will be at your side again.

Wait for me?

Fin

---

Title: Dear Diary
Fandom: Gravitation
Rating: PG-13
Warning: AU
Summary: Rage writes in a diary of love lost and found again.



Author's Notes: There IS a reason for the large amount of italics, just hang in there. Everything bold are memories in Rage's head.

---

I met the love of my life when I was twelve years old. I can remember eveyrthing about that day. What I was wearing, where we were, the smells around us (which considering it was a New York Subway...wasn’t worth describing), the feelings...but most of all I remember his smile.

He was beautiful. Like a ray of sunshine that broke through the clouds. Golden hair, pale flesh...and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. But that smile...that shy, hesitant smile was what really captured me. Then he spoke.

"Would you pardon for me? My... paper? Note... book."

A simple sentence, in halting English and my world was swept away from what I knew. Everything I had thought, felt, desired, lusted for changed in that moment. It would be forever tied to this shinning boy.

He was sixteen, on the cusp of becoming a man, and I was just some little girl who had been sitting on his notebook. But fate has a weird way of tying lines together. We became friend...the best of friends in some ways. He was a stranger in a very strange land and I was lonely, never having had any real friends that Papa didn’t buy for me.

I was obsessed with him, loved him, lusted for him...but he was not to be mine. I knew that the moment we met. For not only was there an age difference...but...

He was my Sunshine’s world. Always there, in the background, watching over him with those eyes that revealed far more about what he wanted then he intended them to.

I knew that I would never get my dream, because he belonged to another. But that was okay. I’ve always been content to sit by and simply watch. So long as I had a part of him...it didn’t matter to me how.

"We’ll always be friends, won’t we, Sunshine?"

"Hmm, forever and ever I’d say. If I can put up with you this long, I think I can do it for the rest of my life."

"Promise?"

"I swear it,"

"That sounded really mushy."

How I wish those words didn’t haunt me in my sleep. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. It was August. One of those hot, sticky summer nights that make you want to strip naked and drown yourself in cool water.

I remember the way the heat pushed at my body, sweat covering every inch of me, becoming frozen as I ran through the doors of the Emergency Room. When he didn’t come by after tutoring I knew something was wrong...but I didn’t dream of just how wrong.

I was shepherded around by bodyguards and nurses until finally I could see him. Sitting in bed, hugging his knees, sobbing softly. The doctors were saying something but I couldn’t hear them, just insects buzzing, keeping me from going to my Sunshine.

I reached out to touch him, only to jerk my hand back when he flinched. He looked up at me, blinking, confusion and tears in his eyes as he focused on my face, biting his lip.

"Who are you?"

Temporal grade, traumatic amnesia. He didn’t remember me. Or anyone pretty much. It would pass, the doctors said. He would start to remember. The memories were still there just...locked away.

I believed those words. I put all my faith into them because if he didn’t remember me...I would be lost.

But it was hard to put faith into something when reality is staring you in the face, asking who you are.

Things got easier, I guess. His memory wasn’t so effected he couldn’t remember what we told him, so we weren’t constantly repeating ourselves. His guardian tried the hardest to bring him back to who he was...but I think he enjoyed my lessons best. I mean, which would you prefer, nose to the grindstone, "You will remember if it kills us" style, or "I’m Reiji, your friend, lets get the fuck out of here before we go insane" style?

Thought so.

Then October came. Sheets of rain and howling winds. Kind of like how I feel inside. He was leaving me. They couldn’t keep him here with him so messed up and besides, his father wanted him at home.

Kyoto. I learned to hate the name of that place. Just as I hated the name of everyone taking him away from me. I even hated his little brother who called once, begging him to come back. What right did that brat have to take him away from me? He was just his brother.

Right. So he was leaving...I told him I could sneak away with him, I was small enough to fit in the overhead bin. He just laughed and called me a self-centered drama queen.

Amazing how well he knew me. But some times I wonder if that’s all he knew about me.

"You’ll call and write, won’t you? I can’t live if I don’t hear from you at least once a month!"

"I promise, Reiji. I’ll call and write as often as I can."

"Promise you won’t forget me."

"Who can forget you?"

I watched him board that plan that would take him away from me forever and cried. I remember my last words to him...words he never heard because I whispered them long after his plane had already acceded into the sky.

"How can you forget someone you can’t even remember?"

Because no matter how hard he tried, or how well he pretended, he still couldn’t remember who I was. To him, I was just some girl claiming to be his friend. The past year, our friendship, had vanished.

I will confess, I waited six years for a letter, always hoping that one day...one day he would remember. He would write me, tell me of what he was doing with his life, who he was now. That I would be more then a face in his past.

Six. Years.

I was eighteen now, the top of my career, the best at what I did. But I wasn’t happy. Not in my life, not in love, not in...anything. I was restless. I wanted more.

Then I met HIM. Not my sunshine...but so very close. He was beautiful...like fluid silk. I’ll admit, I had Judy kidnap him...but not for his voice no matter what I told Claude.

I wanted something of that feeling I had back when I was twelve, even if I had to find it in a nineteen year old idiot.

But as I said, fate has a fucked up sense of humor. I had my Angel...and yet I wasn’t happy. The press conference that day was going to be the biggest XMR had ever hosted, all thanks to my excellent connections.

And then he showed up. Some annoying blond leech, just like every other man I met...or so I thought.

"We can’t be sure no one is coming...until I actually kill you first, Reiji-chan."

The fucker pushed me off of a fucking building! Granted he grabbed my wrist at the last moment but still! So there I was, dangling above certain death, being my usual smart ass self...when he took off those sunglasses.

As long as I live I will never forget those eyes. For six years I dreamed of them, golden orbs haunting me in my sleep. Those eyes that held joy, happiness, despair, pain, destruction, and now...emptiness.

Sunshine.

My sunshine was holding me off the side of a building, trying to kill me. I told you, Fate had a fucked up sense of humor. But I didn’t care. He was there, touching me, real and alive. He could have let go and I wouldn’t have noticed.

My angel saved me of course, that WAS the plan after all. I barley even noticed. Sunshine...

Eiri Yuki. His name had changed, as had everything about him I’d come to find out. He wasn’t the boy I knew any longer, not by a long shot. He was a man. Cold and abrasive. Always looking through you rather then at you, unless your name was Shuichi...or you wore a short skirt.

But he was my Sunshine. Somewhere in there was the boy I had fallen in love with. And even if I never saw that boy again, I wanted to know this man. So when Shuichi went back to Japan, I followed. I had an easy excuse, I was in lust with Angel...finding Sunshine was just a perk.

And I did find him...

And now I sit here, living in his house...watching as he loves others. I will never be to him what I was, nor will I ever be to him what I want.

But I’m okay with that. Just as I was years ago. So long as I have some part of him...it doesn’t matter how much. Just as long as I get to touch him, to know he’s real and alive and THERE.

I still love my sunshine, the boy he was...and the man he’s become.

I met the love of my life when I was twelve. And I still love him to this day.

She set her pen in her journal, closing the book and sliding it under her pillow before sighing. She uncrossed her legs, wincing as her body unfolded itself before standing, hopping slightly to get the blood flowing into her legs again.

She walked down the hall, pausing by a door, faint light spilling out of it from a computer monitor. She peeked in and smiled slightly, watching the light play off blond hair and gold wire frames.

"I just which you could remember who we were, Sunshine." she whispered softly before turning away.





Which Villain Character Are You? </lj-cut

Comments

[sanitiesend.livejournal.com]

wow. obsessive fics. lonely much?

i really really enjoyed the second one. =)

[saitaina]

I'm glad you liked the second one. It's my pride and joy (that wasn't actually supposed to be written, it was supposed to be a post for an rpg).

Lonely? Me or the character?

[sanitiesend.livejournal.com]

you cause of the recurring theme of the fices

[saitaina]

Nope. Just the way the character is. As she's the easiest to write, she's what gets written the most.

[sanitiesend.livejournal.com]

ah ha. easy way out, eh? well, whatever works. i haven't written anything, easy or not, in about a month or two. *sigh*