saitaina | (no subject)

I'm terrified.

I have no idea where I'm going to live after they take the house, I can't afford an apartment with the way my bills are and I can't get a loan for a house, and even if I could get an apartment, what am I supposed to do with my pets? Very few places around here take animals, especially in the amount I have.

I don't know how I'm going to survive this. I'm trying so hard, but I feel like I'm constantly drowning in feeling of dread, fear, worry and pain.

I want my mother back, not for her herself, but for the safety she provided, a barrier against the outside world. As someone with emotional developmental delays and other mental problems, it's hard, to suddenly be thrust into a role your not ready for, without a safety net or safe space.

I don't like being on my own, I don't like having to deal with things alone...I'm not...I can barely handle myself, dealing with all the other things that come with it are driving me insane. I want to go back to where I was safe and protected from the world, where I had people I could lean on to help me through problems, instead of being constantly assaulted by them.

I want to go back to a place where I don't cry every night in pain and terror.

I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I'm falling apart and the pieces no longer fit together anymore, leaving me explosed and raw...and I REALLY don't like it.