POA in NYC and other stuffs
May. 4th, 2004 03:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saitainaAlright, one month away from boarding a plane for the east coast for four monthes. New clothes have been ordered, plane ticket has been bought (and e # promptly lost which my mother doesn't know about, here's hoping I can find it before we leave), suitcases have been found, clothes have been...well piled on my chair where I was supposed to try on the ones I don't currently wear and pack but that's as far as they got. And that's it. I have not gone through my books to decide what I'm taking, I have not finished the Zelda walkthrough, I have not figured out what I'm getting Robyn for a bridal shower gift (her wedding gift was hard enough to pick out and NO, Robby, I am not paying for you honeymoon or any part there of. I am a slave to ettiquite and that is a big no-no. Bad enough I put up with the rest of your Wedding Ettiquite Blunders (all of which I will promptly send to Ettiquite Hell so you can roast merrily).
But I have made some progress towards other things, I have paid for my tickets to see POA with the NYC gang, though it leaves me a bit worried. I know Heidi will be there which will be fun but there are others who may attend that leave me a bit...off. Some of the NYC gang that may attend (I won't name names) are people I have known in this fandom for a while but have never been as close to as Heidi. It's rather weird to be attending something with the possiblity of going with people I have been a complete fan girl to. I don't like being a fan girl, it makes me sound all of thirteen and I've tried to build up a decent reputation in this fandom. Haven't succeeded but I tried. Of course most of my rep I shot in the foot myself after leaving a lot of it behind and not being on good terms with the MEG...I guess I'm just rather lost. Once I knew where I belonged in the HP world...I was part of the old crowd (kinda) and now...we've lost touch, we've drifted...new faces are taking over and it's rather hard. I'm not as closely tied to FA as I was, MEG is on the outs with me, I post to HPfGU and everything goes dead, it's like I don't belong and now I get to go to POA in NYC which is a reminder of what was...and what's not. And I can't talk to anyone who used to be where I am...because they've all moved on. Heidi's got FA and The Leaky Cauldron, John...well, dunno what happened to him really. Kelley is MIA at the moment and it's hard to talk to her anymore anyway, Al stopped speaking to me long ago, Argy...well, he is/was Al's boyfriend so things died real quick there, Cass and I have never been anything, Sheryll's too busy to talk to me and the rest I was either never that close to or are like the others, busy and MIA. I miss the time when we were all at the same place, and it's depressing to think I'm still here. I picture it as an empty room where we used to gather and talk and laugh and now I'm just sitting here, watching the dust settle on empty chairs, waiting for them to return. And I know they won't. I just can't seem to move on.
I've tried of course, I have other fandoms I'm intrested in, other jobs I do, but since MEG takes up a bunch of time and those other fandoms slowly fade away (rather hard to hold onto a dying fandom, especially when you're just another outsider), it's hard to move forward.
Since I've mentioned problems with the MEG (Mods Elves and Geists, ruling admin for HPfGU) I think I should finally outline some of them. And since this is my journal, I won't sheild the facts. Feel free to skip but former MEG members and those that are members of HPfGU (or the HP fandom at large) might find some of this intresting. First, some background. I have been an Elf for a few years now, and for the most part have enjoyed my work (for more detail on what I do you can comment or email privately). When I joined, it was a smaller group then we are now, much of the old crowd belonged (Heidi, John, Penny, Mike, ect). We had the Elves who did the work, the Mods who made the big decisions, and the Geists who were our history. We got along reasonably well for a while and it was good. Then there was what was/is termed, the "Revolution". And it was exactly what it sounds like. Bloody, and horrible and it tore us apart. The HP fandom has always had it's problems, and some of them are horrible things, but for us, a group of friends who usually got on well, the Revolution was one of the worst as it pitted us against each other, and against the very fabric of what we knew. And it shouldn't have happened. Most of the blame for the Revolution lies in one action. The straw the broke the camels back as it were. The mods had decided that they couldn't keep going the way they were. They had their own problems and problems especially with one of their own. Several of them voted to oust the problem member and they announced it to the MEG at large (while still debating just disbanding all together). Several friends and associates of the problem mod protested and some of the MEG (myself included) sided with the mods. This was the start of the divide.
Several other problems were brought to light and in the end, the "Mod Tower" was destroyed. The mods, and some other MEG members left and those of us who remained were left to clean up. This was harder on some then others. For myself, the aftermath was not a good thing. There was no closure, no healing, just a lot of dust and rubble to be picked up and tried to be pieced back together. But we struggled, and we worked hard, and we existed, for a while.
Then the problems came again. The mod who had originally been ousted, was causing more havok, this time on HPfGU itself, and to the reamaining MEG. What many of us had tried to protest before...was now painfullly clear. We could not work with, nor keep around this woman. For those who had supported and defended her it was a hard decision to make (for me, not so much. I had wanted her gone since the begining of the Revolution and even more so after. And for very personal reasons. I blamed her as the reason for the destruction of the Mod Tower and the split of the MEG. Perhaps wrongly, but I was/am still upset and needed someone to blame). But we, in the end, decided that we had no other choice but to ban her from HPfGU and it's sister lists entirely.
That was when war was declared. You would think, that people who are members of a group called, Harry Potter for Grown-ups, would in fact, be grown-ups. But things have a way of suprising you. When we banned the list member, she reacted in such a way that even I, the poster child for Slytherin, queen of revenge and under handed tactics, was surprised and shocked. Harrassment, stalking, disruption, she managed to drive us even more insane after banning her then she did as a list member. But of course, she thought she was in the right, after all, she was the wronged party and if we would just appolagize and let her back in, all of our troubles would be gone (er, don't ask me how letting her back in would stop new members from breaking rules but anyway). But all of these attemps just made us even more sure that we would never, so long as there was breath in our body, let her be a member of HPfGU (well, under her own identity, I won't even bother guessing as to how many fake ID's she has on HPfGU).
Lately, things have quited down on her front. I'm not as frustraited and stressed out as I was, waiting for her next attack. I know she'll do something, but at least now I get a breather every once in a while. But things still aren't good. We're a long way from where we once were, and where I would like us to be. My job on MEG is, officially, Co-Head Elf/Elf Hostess. This basically means I greet new elves and help train them. I used to be Co-Head Elf/Elf Hostess, Rejection Dementory, and Co-Demodder, but when thing were at their height with She-Who-Is-Annoying, I cut back on my jobs, to focus more on helping the others. And now, I do nothing, except the required day of list reading. I would love to go back to doing pendings and demods, anything but PWE's (I HATE those), but things have changed so much it's hard to get back into it.
I have ran for, and lost the role of Facillitator (semi in charge person) and it's frustrating because I want so much to help get things moving (we havne't finished any goals we set a year ago) but it seems that the rest of MEG has no trust in me. And that hurts, because they don't know me, not like the MEG of the past did, the MEG that used to belive I could do my job.
Maybe it really is time to let MEG go. I don't want to, but it's hard to be one of the last of the Old Guard, standing around, trying to protect what isn't there, telling my stories to the 'young ones' that don't want to listen.
Oh, and just because my life isn't currently depressing enough, mum cut her hand open (well, through her thumb, needed TONS of stiches) and NO ONE thought to tell me until she was already in the hospital, and no one bothered to tell me what was going on so I got to worry for about five hours on end. Fun no?
But I have made some progress towards other things, I have paid for my tickets to see POA with the NYC gang, though it leaves me a bit worried. I know Heidi will be there which will be fun but there are others who may attend that leave me a bit...off. Some of the NYC gang that may attend (I won't name names) are people I have known in this fandom for a while but have never been as close to as Heidi. It's rather weird to be attending something with the possiblity of going with people I have been a complete fan girl to. I don't like being a fan girl, it makes me sound all of thirteen and I've tried to build up a decent reputation in this fandom. Haven't succeeded but I tried. Of course most of my rep I shot in the foot myself after leaving a lot of it behind and not being on good terms with the MEG...I guess I'm just rather lost. Once I knew where I belonged in the HP world...I was part of the old crowd (kinda) and now...we've lost touch, we've drifted...new faces are taking over and it's rather hard. I'm not as closely tied to FA as I was, MEG is on the outs with me, I post to HPfGU and everything goes dead, it's like I don't belong and now I get to go to POA in NYC which is a reminder of what was...and what's not. And I can't talk to anyone who used to be where I am...because they've all moved on. Heidi's got FA and The Leaky Cauldron, John...well, dunno what happened to him really. Kelley is MIA at the moment and it's hard to talk to her anymore anyway, Al stopped speaking to me long ago, Argy...well, he is/was Al's boyfriend so things died real quick there, Cass and I have never been anything, Sheryll's too busy to talk to me and the rest I was either never that close to or are like the others, busy and MIA. I miss the time when we were all at the same place, and it's depressing to think I'm still here. I picture it as an empty room where we used to gather and talk and laugh and now I'm just sitting here, watching the dust settle on empty chairs, waiting for them to return. And I know they won't. I just can't seem to move on.
I've tried of course, I have other fandoms I'm intrested in, other jobs I do, but since MEG takes up a bunch of time and those other fandoms slowly fade away (rather hard to hold onto a dying fandom, especially when you're just another outsider), it's hard to move forward.
Since I've mentioned problems with the MEG (Mods Elves and Geists, ruling admin for HPfGU) I think I should finally outline some of them. And since this is my journal, I won't sheild the facts. Feel free to skip but former MEG members and those that are members of HPfGU (or the HP fandom at large) might find some of this intresting. First, some background. I have been an Elf for a few years now, and for the most part have enjoyed my work (for more detail on what I do you can comment or email privately). When I joined, it was a smaller group then we are now, much of the old crowd belonged (Heidi, John, Penny, Mike, ect). We had the Elves who did the work, the Mods who made the big decisions, and the Geists who were our history. We got along reasonably well for a while and it was good. Then there was what was/is termed, the "Revolution". And it was exactly what it sounds like. Bloody, and horrible and it tore us apart. The HP fandom has always had it's problems, and some of them are horrible things, but for us, a group of friends who usually got on well, the Revolution was one of the worst as it pitted us against each other, and against the very fabric of what we knew. And it shouldn't have happened. Most of the blame for the Revolution lies in one action. The straw the broke the camels back as it were. The mods had decided that they couldn't keep going the way they were. They had their own problems and problems especially with one of their own. Several of them voted to oust the problem member and they announced it to the MEG at large (while still debating just disbanding all together). Several friends and associates of the problem mod protested and some of the MEG (myself included) sided with the mods. This was the start of the divide.
Several other problems were brought to light and in the end, the "Mod Tower" was destroyed. The mods, and some other MEG members left and those of us who remained were left to clean up. This was harder on some then others. For myself, the aftermath was not a good thing. There was no closure, no healing, just a lot of dust and rubble to be picked up and tried to be pieced back together. But we struggled, and we worked hard, and we existed, for a while.
Then the problems came again. The mod who had originally been ousted, was causing more havok, this time on HPfGU itself, and to the reamaining MEG. What many of us had tried to protest before...was now painfullly clear. We could not work with, nor keep around this woman. For those who had supported and defended her it was a hard decision to make (for me, not so much. I had wanted her gone since the begining of the Revolution and even more so after. And for very personal reasons. I blamed her as the reason for the destruction of the Mod Tower and the split of the MEG. Perhaps wrongly, but I was/am still upset and needed someone to blame). But we, in the end, decided that we had no other choice but to ban her from HPfGU and it's sister lists entirely.
That was when war was declared. You would think, that people who are members of a group called, Harry Potter for Grown-ups, would in fact, be grown-ups. But things have a way of suprising you. When we banned the list member, she reacted in such a way that even I, the poster child for Slytherin, queen of revenge and under handed tactics, was surprised and shocked. Harrassment, stalking, disruption, she managed to drive us even more insane after banning her then she did as a list member. But of course, she thought she was in the right, after all, she was the wronged party and if we would just appolagize and let her back in, all of our troubles would be gone (er, don't ask me how letting her back in would stop new members from breaking rules but anyway). But all of these attemps just made us even more sure that we would never, so long as there was breath in our body, let her be a member of HPfGU (well, under her own identity, I won't even bother guessing as to how many fake ID's she has on HPfGU).
Lately, things have quited down on her front. I'm not as frustraited and stressed out as I was, waiting for her next attack. I know she'll do something, but at least now I get a breather every once in a while. But things still aren't good. We're a long way from where we once were, and where I would like us to be. My job on MEG is, officially, Co-Head Elf/Elf Hostess. This basically means I greet new elves and help train them. I used to be Co-Head Elf/Elf Hostess, Rejection Dementory, and Co-Demodder, but when thing were at their height with She-Who-Is-Annoying, I cut back on my jobs, to focus more on helping the others. And now, I do nothing, except the required day of list reading. I would love to go back to doing pendings and demods, anything but PWE's (I HATE those), but things have changed so much it's hard to get back into it.
I have ran for, and lost the role of Facillitator (semi in charge person) and it's frustrating because I want so much to help get things moving (we havne't finished any goals we set a year ago) but it seems that the rest of MEG has no trust in me. And that hurts, because they don't know me, not like the MEG of the past did, the MEG that used to belive I could do my job.
Maybe it really is time to let MEG go. I don't want to, but it's hard to be one of the last of the Old Guard, standing around, trying to protect what isn't there, telling my stories to the 'young ones' that don't want to listen.
Oh, and just because my life isn't currently depressing enough, mum cut her hand open (well, through her thumb, needed TONS of stiches) and NO ONE thought to tell me until she was already in the hospital, and no one bothered to tell me what was going on so I got to worry for about five hours on end. Fun no?
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Hello....
Date: 2004-05-04 11:22 am (UTC)Sorry about your mum, and your family's clusterfuck telling you about it.
I'm going to NYC too, and I'm feeling some of the same misgivings you are. I'm looking forward to meeting a lot of people though, including you! It'll be way different for me than Nimbus, because I'll actually have time to talk to people. And I figure in a group of pushing 200 people, it should be easy enough to place buffers where they're needed, and avoid choice people if there's tension.
If nothing else, look at it this way: we can bond over our mutual hatred for said person. ;^D
Hope to meet you soon!
Re: Hello....
Date: 2004-05-04 12:01 pm (UTC)Hey, Sait...
Date: 2004-05-04 04:54 pm (UTC)~Amanda
Re: Hey, Sait...
Date: 2004-05-04 05:07 pm (UTC)I want to try but since part of me still hasn't accepted the loss of what was, it's hard. Plus MEG lost the community feel after the Revolution so I don't know if I can talk about bringing us closer together. Feels more like we're just supposed to talk about "work related' stuffs now days. Had an idea though for a way to get to know everyone (old and new elves/geists alike), it's an email thing where you talk about something that the group doesn't know about you and then someone else does and so on, just a way to bring out sides of people you don't see when you're just working with them, (yes I've attended far too many "teamwork retreats" in my day).