saitaina | 588

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

People really do believe the truth mixed with a lie.

I told mum I was fasting for 21-days…which I am fasting, I just fudged the end date. Not my fault 21-days sounds better then never.

I eventually need to cut out the juices though, once my body gets accustomed to the new lack of food. Shouldn’t be that long, it’s already used to my sparse eating habits.

I can’t stop shaking, I find it amusing to watch, though it’s making typing a bitch. My mind keeps wondering, leaving me unable to focus on the tasks I have set for me. My mind keeps spinning in every direction it can, and then in the next second it spins another way, making me dizzy and resulting in absolutely fucking nothing getting done.

I’m sick of the nightmares, I’m tired of watching him walk away with her…or just simply walking away, even in my dreams. I’m tired of knowing in the depths of my heart, I’m not enough, that I’ll never be enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not strong enough, not sexual enough, talented enough, loving enough, not…perfect enough.

I’m tired of the silence, the tears, the waiting, the wondering, they why nots and how comes. I’m just…tired.

I feel lost, and I’m tired of it.

I just want that life I’ve seen in my dreams (not the nightmares). I just…

I just want to be free.

Apparently I’ve plugged up two sinks and a tub with my falling out hair as all the clogs are of a purple and red variety. Mum’s a blond. *headdesk*

Changed my layout again. I worship Kid but he’s not…fitting me at the moment (though Kaito is rather emo lately).

ARG! Travis Tritt is going to be three hours away from me, in concert and it’s pointless to try for tickets now as the best I’ll do is the parking lot a month away from the date. I feel like strangling somebody.

I’ve spent hours re-doing the layout for this journal and have got crap all done on my to-do list *headdesk* I should just go to bed and hope tomorrow’s a better day.