Musings II (because I’m not creative)

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

It took me four days, working nearly 8 hours each day, to create my last AMV and that’s adding in all the times I had to sit and twiddle my thumbs after the computer crashed…

…why am I already writing notes for the next one? Don’t I get a day off or something?

My editor and I may have finally reached the plot point we can’t over come. We’re just…diffrent, in our writing and our thought processes and now, I can’t make her understand the reasonings of why something happened in the story, and she can’t continue editing without understanding that one point.

I don’t know if this problem is the reason my chapter’s been in edits for two months (yes, months), but it’s frustrating to try and explain something that makes such perfect sense to me and how I see the characters in the story, and even with the re-writes I’m not sure she’s going to be able to accept it as I wrote actions more then their thoughts and feelings (mostly because they don’t have too many thoughts at this moment of the story, they’re being SHOT AT).

I’m getting to the point I just want my chapter back so I can give it to my readers. I know it’s frustrating and tiring for them to constantly see my name with other stories (no betas for them means no waiting after I’ve done my final checks), and yet it’s not the story they want.

I know this because they keep telling me.

It’s starting to make me rather glad I have two series where logic and characterization doesn’t fit in. I can do what I want and not have a problem, because they were designed that way. One’s a crack soap opera and the other was specifically plotted so that the character changes into someone he isn’t. It’s nice…to let loose.

And I’m bloody sick of research anyway. I have to research the smallest details for MW and it’s getting…tiring. Never finding the answer, never knowing if where I’m going will work until five hours later (or ten, or two days). So, bloody, tired of research.

I’ve started keeping lists of all the things I’ve spent more then two hours looking up…I seriously need a life after reading this list:

Shock, Wrist Injuries (Broken wrists/surgeries), the Hope Diamond, various famous rubies, Host Clubs, Japan’s nightlife, Buddest statuary, Japanese Graveyards, Ancient Egyptian Games, ‘How to cast a wrist’ (goddess love YouTube), Oriental dancing, Sarongs, Ancient terms for ‘harem/slave boy’, head injuries, hang glider instruction, razor blade thickness, weight/size of the standard playing card, top speed of throwing a standard playing card (human and machine), Gun mechanics, Kevlar/bullet proof vests, shoulder injuries, multiple personality disorder and treatment, disassociative disorder and treatment, dna testing, dna paintings, lab procedure and equipment, computer forensics, general forensics, Japan’s age of consent, Tokyo’s age of consent, Japan’s cost of living (generalized), Law Enforcement training and positions in both London (via The Met or “Scotland Yard”) and Tokyo (via Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department), Japanese school year term (later thrown out the window), Japanese Graduation Ceremonies, Japan’s Gun Control Laws, Japan’s search and seizure laws, Japan’s forgin resident laws and procedures, suit material, hang glider materials (to make), remote control mechanisms, Japan’s legal drinking age, driving in Japan, living in Japan as a non-native.

That’s only up to chapter fifteen of Magican’s Waltz (and not including anything I’ve looked up for my other stories)…who knows what else I’ll look up before the series (or the other five I’m working on) are finished.

I used to love writing. I enjoyed nothing better then weaving a fantastic and beautiful tale (or hell, just weaving a tell). But now it’s so…technical. Comma’s and periods, characterizations and canon. I went into my stories, knowing I would have to put in effort. Since leaving the HP world I KNEW I would have to actually do something and not just attempt to pull plotlines and items out of thin air, that’s why I was ready for the re-search and the long hours trying to look up odd details.

…I just didn’t think it would be this tiring, when all was said and done. Why didn’t anyone tell me that as a writer, I would spend most of my time in research, in debates, in defending my characters and their very thoughts and actions…that I would spend more time doing anything, then actually writing a story?

I just…want to write.