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[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

It’s October 30th…and I feel like crying.

It’s the first year in twenty-five that I haven’t celebrated Halloween or Samhain. 

Even last year, with mum and Bunny in the hospital I did something to celebrate.

So why do I feel so empty this year?  Why does everything feel pointless and blank. 

I feel…seperated from everything, as if I’m observing a play that has no effect on me.  Everything’s passing me by and I can’t find the energy to care about any of it. 

The sound of my voice scared me today.  As if I had gone a great time without speaking, even though I know I’ve spoken to mum daily. 

My thoughts confuse and scare me.  So many dark swirling thoughts and I can’t figure out where they’re coming from.  I would like to think there is a demon inside my head whispering such grey thoughts but I’m not lucky enough to be that insane.  I’m not depressed…I’m just…tired.  And I can’t find the energy to stop being tired.  I feel alone and sad and I can’t think of the reason.  Nothing fills me anymore.  Everything is routine and empty.

Maybe I need more sleep.

It’s October 30th….Happy Aniversery Bunny.