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[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I wonder how long it will take for me to constantly stop checking on her and making sure she’s actually really there and not a delusion of my fractured mind.

Three weeks…and I’ve lost all sense of myself and who I was. Now she’s the only thing keeping me grounded. I told Val everything had fallen back into place but that was for a moment. We’re…strangers to each other, trying to fit our lives back together when none of the pieces match up anymore. Our sense of everything has changed and we have to work around that…

This isn’t the woman I’ve spent twenty-four years of my life with.

And that scares me. I’m not sure I know her.

I keep trying to tell myself it’s only been three weeks, that everything can’t have changed that much but it has. Deep inside I know it has. Just as I know I’m still falling, despite the fact she’s here.

I worked so hard to save their lives and now I’m not sure if I can save my own.

Passive suicide, the act of not overtly killing yourself but not really caring if you die. Unwilling to save your own life.

Should scare me more.