Just to remind you how much I suck as a human being…

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I used to be a theif. I’m not talking about knicking something here or there, I’m talking about since the time I was five to the time I was thirteen I shoplifed daily, I broke into house, I took whatever my hands could grab and I could get away with (school lockers weren’t even safe).

From thirteen to fifteen I slowed then stopped due to the increase in security in the world (plus I had already been arrested when I was thirteen, I didnt’ need any more on my record).

Now, several years later…that impulse is still there. I look at something and still want to take it. To make it just…dissappear from someone’s life. This morning I found a set of keys in my drawer. They were our former neighbor’s house key. Funny thing is…our new neighbors never changed the locks. On that key, was acess to a shinny house full of items just for my enjoyment.

I changed a lot from the young theif who took whatever she wanted (accept an heirloom piece of jewlery from a fellow townsmember, I returned that), but in that moment…the urge, the desire…everything came flooding back. I was fully ready to dress in black and skip through the back yards and into that house.

I threw away the keys, but it was very hard to actually let go, all those images and day dreams of what could be mine filling my head…

My hands still tingle, still urge to twist that key.

I’m suck a fucking sick person.