I think...
Oct. 10th, 2010 04:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
saitainamy mother took my faith with her when she died.0
I can't find it in myself to believe in anything anymore, let alone any of the actual religions I subscribe to (for those keeping count, it's Buddism and Wicca, mixed in with my scientific side which is purely agnostic to athiest).
I feel...very hallow with this realization, because I know that before mum's death, I was a very spiritual, if quiet person regarding my beliefs. I knew, in my heart and soul what was true (there was an afterlife, this was not our only life, etc and so forth) and yet now...nothing. Right now all I think is that we die, that's it, welcome to a hole in the ground and the blankness of nothing.
I still can't figure out how she did it, but she managed to rob me not only of her and her love, but of my very belief system that I spent over ten years trying to put together.
I can't find it in myself to believe in anything anymore, let alone any of the actual religions I subscribe to (for those keeping count, it's Buddism and Wicca, mixed in with my scientific side which is purely agnostic to athiest).
I feel...very hallow with this realization, because I know that before mum's death, I was a very spiritual, if quiet person regarding my beliefs. I knew, in my heart and soul what was true (there was an afterlife, this was not our only life, etc and so forth) and yet now...nothing. Right now all I think is that we die, that's it, welcome to a hole in the ground and the blankness of nothing.
I still can't figure out how she did it, but she managed to rob me not only of her and her love, but of my very belief system that I spent over ten years trying to put together.
