Canceling AOL in under a minute

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

(Not including wait times, I haven’t found a way around that yet).

In the past year, I’ve had to cancel two AOL accounts, gotten for various reasons. I went in armed with the knowledge that it was a battle and tips from former AOL workers. And the best thing I have come up with, is to simply give them a reason they can’t counter.

AOL: What can I help you with today?
Me: I would like to cancel my account.
AOL: Just out of curiosity (yeah right), may I ask the reason for your canceling?
Me: My family and I are moving to the wilds of Zimbabwe, where there is no running water, let alone phone lines or electricity.

(This got me off the phone in less then thirty seconds after I gave my reason for canceling).

AOL: What can I help you with today?
Me: I would like to cancel my account.
AOL: Just out of curiosity (yeah right), may I ask the reason for your canceling?
Me: The person I created the account for has just died.

(this excuse got me a bit of a run around until I explained I wasn’t going to use said dead person’s account, so about a minute total).

I still have the excuse of moving to the outer reaches of Saturn waiting in the wings for when I can’t think up a more plausible reason, but hopefully, I won’t need it.

Now if they’d just stop saying their name was John or Justin when they can barely read their script, I would be happy.