saitaina | Conversations of a home loan…

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Mum: The soda’s still on the table because Lending Tree called while I was in the bathroom.

Me: Oh, what did they say?

Mum: Just wanted to know what my message was about. *pause* Dont’ get your hopes up.

Me: *frustrated at the possiblity of a fourth ‘no’* Why?

Mum: They said closing costs could range anywhere from 0$-10,000$ based on credit. I’m not paying 10,000$.

Me: I know. We’ll just have to see how much it is and talk seriously about it.

Mum: Not if it’s like 5,000$. It’s not worth it.

Me: It IS worth it if it lowers some of my stress by getting this stuff done and fixed. We need the money.

Mum: No we don’t.

Me: YES, we do. We need to get this shit done so I stop stressing over it.

Mum: Why are YOU stressing?

Me: Because I’m getting tired of this. I have a hernia I’m stressing so bad.

Mum: You’re only twenty-four, do you know how long it will take to pay back 5,000$ of money we we’ll never see?

Me: Yes, but frankly it’s worth it. What we’re doing are stop gap measures. All the money for second hand and repares are going to be more then just taking the damn loan in the same amount of time.

Mum: Your computer will only take a few monthes…

Me: This isn’t about my damn computer! This is about the washer, and the dryer, and who knows what else! This is about the fact I’m phsically ill stressing out about this shit!

Mum: Why are you stressing over the washer, you don’t even use it.

Me: My clothes go in it! My food goes in the fridge!

Mum: So we’ll keep washing our clothes at Crystals…

Me: That’s what’s stressing me out!

Mum: Why is THAT stressing you out?

Me: Because it’s another sign of how poor we are. Because we can’t afford to fix the washer or the fridge, hell, we can’t even afford to buy food every month (*). If we don’t take this loan, what happens when the heat goes out, or the electricity, or our grass turns brown and smells funny or any other goddamn thing? THAT is why I’m stressed out! We can’t afford the little things and next time we turn around it’s going to be a big thing! *storms out of the room near tears*

And that is where our loan stand right about now.

(*) This is including mum’s car payment. If we took the loan we’d pay off the car and use the money from the payment to pay the loan so we’d be able to pay that before someone mentions it. We’d just still be out of food.