Strength

[saitaina]

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I don’t want to have this surgery. I’m scared out of my mind even thinking about it. I don’t want to have another IV (sixteen more needles in me? No thanks). I don’t want to risk Anestisia Awareness, or internal bleeding, or dying.

I don’t want to have the pain of four cuts into my body. I don’t want to have more nightmares of this event (either before or after). I’ve lived with this since I was thirteen, I can live with it longer. It’s not that bad. I feel pain every day, barley notice it anymore really.

I’m trembling, almost crying I’m so scared. Why do I have to have this…why do I have to go through this? Why can’t they just let it be?

Please, just let it be…I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. I lied, I don’t have the strength to face anything..I want this all to just go away and leave me alone.

*goes off to have a good cry*