I hate stress

I broke down crying (really crying, sobbing actually) last night for the first time since the day mum died.

I'm not sleeping well and what sleep I do get is plagued by nightmares or memories of her (or just has her in them, which is annoying as shit).

I want to break, and yet can't because I have to be the one that keeps moving on (even though my inner self is screaming at the world to just shut the fuck up and go away).

Frankly, I'm scared. I don't know HOW to keep moving forward, when it hurts too damn much to even breath.