'm gonna kill mum...

As soon as I get her fucking concious.

Last night she was near un-responsive, slurring her words and falling asleep faster then she should have been able, something typical after she's taken her night meds, only a bit worse.

I found around 20 empty cymbalta capsule halves, so I've been checking on her all night...she's medically fine, I just CAN'T GET HER UP. She opens her eyes, then heads right back to sleepy-land. I've tried everything, even put ice down her shirt (yes, I did enjoy that).

I'm going to wait until our healthcare worker gets here, then we're either getting her up or calling an ambulance (not that they can do much now, the meds should have worked through most of her system).

and...

mum has been taken to the ER via ambulance for being non-responsive (and taking 36+ pills)

...joy

Update Deux

Mum is now in the ICU unit and will be there overnight. She's closer to consciousness (and coherentness), but she still won't wake up for but brief seconds at a time (she did respond to my 'I love you' however, so at least she's hearing us, even if it's not making sense.

I have locked out everyone but myself from getting information...mostly because I'm mean and stingy and it's no one's business but ours. I keep Grandmere updated so I didn't feel the urge to give her the 'codeword', if she finds out about it, then I probably will (if just to keep the peace).

Mum created an interesting bruise/levidity pattern on her leg from sleeping half out of the bed, the nurses couldn't figure out what the hell it was until I mentioned her leg was dangling most of the night and the blood had probably pooled there from being pressed against the plastic edge of her bed (why does that cheer me up to figure out something the nurses couldn't?).

I left a note for mum to call me when she's coherent, no idea when that'll be, but I'm waiting...

...and now I have a giant ball of stress in my stomach. I HATE waiting, and I hate even more that I have no fucking clue why this happened.

Is it wrong to want to strangle a possibly suicidal person?

Unfortunately, all this stress and crap is activating MY triggers, so I'm keeping myself far, far away from sharp objects before I end up like my icon (yes, I am a self mutlilator, no it is not an emo cry for attention, it's a release thanks to the endorphine rush...too bad it fades).

I have a list of things to distract me thankfully (though worry and stress about mum never really goes away) and hopefully I'll crash into sleep soon (I've been up since 9pm last night, and freaking out most of that time).