*grumbles*

Mum's in the hospital again...at least this time it wasn't via police escort.

We're looking for a 60-day treatment center that will take medicare.

I've been requested not to visit her, so that I can heal myself...I wonder how obvious it was I was cracking.

*grumbles*

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Mum’s in the hospital again…at least this time it wasn’t via police escort.

We’re looking for a 60-day treatment center that will take medicare.

I’ve been requested not to visit her, so that I can heal myself…I wonder how obvious it was I was cracking.

(no subject)

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56% Stability |||||| 23% Orderliness |||||||||| 33% Accommodation |||||| 30% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||| 43% Mystical |||||||||||| 43% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||| 30% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Materialism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||||||| 36% Work ethic |||||| 23% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Avoidant |||||||||||| 50% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse |||||||||||||| 56% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||| 23% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Indie |||||||||||| 43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


My trait snapshot makes me sound pathetic.

I drempt of Alex again. Why is it when I'm always stressed I always default to dreaming about a man that helped (un-intentionally) cause the most stress I've ever known in my life?

It's been a long time since I was sixteen, since I was so immature I didn't understand the relations between men and women and how appropriately to 'go after' the one you desire, since I was stupid enough to believe in true love.

At least the dreams have changed, I'm no longer dreaming of "OMG he really loved me all this time!", but there are more threads of forgiveness in the dreams, of being ME, not defined by some guy's thoughts and feelings regarding myself.

Though it makes me wonder now...if I'm moving beyond what I once felt for someone...why did last nights dream revolve around needing his approval and acceptence?

I don't think the dreams themselves are about Alex, I mean, he was a guy I knew for a year and some months in high school. The dreams are obviously about other things, but for the life of me I'm not sure what. I could be anything from my non-existant boyfriend to my mother (though where my mother fits in I have no idea). Hell, Alex could be representing my friends at this moment and the love/respect I desire from this dreamscape is not the romantic love I once desired from him but the platonic love and respect I desire from my friends and feel I'm not getting (all hail depression, it fucks with your perceptions of relationships).

Eh, I don't know and frankly don't care what my brain is trying to tell me. I'm just tired of waking up with such a physical sense of lose when dreams of him visit me. Every morning I wake up after such a dream, it's almost like someone has died and it's annoying.

I almost wish I could see him again, if just to close whatever chapter of my life seems to still be open, but it's been ten years and I doubt he ever realized what was going on at that time of my life, nor has he thought of me in those ten years...so what would be the point? It would be needlessly opening an old wound for something that has been too long. Especially since I'm pretty sure that the dreams have nothing to do with then.

*headdesk* Just...go away, Alex, I'm tired of dreaming of you.

632

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 56% Stability |||||| 23% Orderliness |||||||||| 33% Accommodation |||||| 30% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||| 43% Mystical |||||||||||| 43% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious |||||| 30% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Materialism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Narcissism |||||||||||| 43% Adventurousness |||||||||| 36% Work ethic |||||| 23% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||| 76% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Avoidant |||||||||||| 50% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||||||||||||| 63% Change averse |||||||||||||| 56% Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||| 23% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness || 10% Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 70% Vanity |||||||||||||| 56% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Indie |||||||||||| 43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

My trait snapshot makes me sound pathetic.

I drempt of Alex again. Why is it when I’m always stressed I always default to dreaming about a man that helped (un-intentionally) cause the most stress I’ve ever known in my life?

It’s been a long time since I was sixteen, since I was so immature I didn’t understand the relations between men and women and how appropriately to ‘go after’ the one you desire, since I was stupid enough to believe in true love.

At least the dreams have changed, I’m no longer dreaming of “OMG he really loved me all this time!”, but there are more threads of forgiveness in the dreams, of being ME, not defined by some guy’s thoughts and feelings regarding myself.

Though it makes me wonder now…if I’m moving beyond what I once felt for someone…why did last nights dream revolve around needing his approval and acceptence?

I don’t think the dreams themselves are about Alex, I mean, he was a guy I knew for a year and some months in high school. The dreams are obviously about other things, but for the life of me I’m not sure what. I could be anything from my non-existant boyfriend to my mother (though where my mother fits in I have no idea). Hell, Alex could be representing my friends at this moment and the love/respect I desire from this dreamscape is not the romantic love I once desired from him but the platonic love and respect I desire from my friends and feel I’m not getting (all hail depression, it fucks with your perceptions of relationships).

Eh, I don’t know and frankly don’t care what my brain is trying to tell me. I’m just tired of waking up with such a physical sense of lose when dreams of him visit me. Every morning I wake up after such a dream, it’s almost like someone has died and it’s annoying.

I almost wish I could see him again, if just to close whatever chapter of my life seems to still be open, but it’s been ten years and I doubt he ever realized what was going on at that time of my life, nor has he thought of me in those ten years…so what would be the point? It would be needlessly opening an old wound for something that has been too long. Especially since I’m pretty sure that the dreams have nothing to do with then.

*headdesk* Just…go away, Alex, I’m tired of dreaming of you.