saitaina

Originally published at Memoirs of a Nobody. You can comment here or there.

I love my birthdayyyyyyyyyyyy….granted it’s still eight days away but still!

I shall be twenty two…where did I picture myself at twenty two? No where near where I am. Well the apartment works but I planned to have a job, and friends (outside the world of the computer) and just generally a life. I like my life but I want more…and can’t get it. grrrr.

On the other hand I’m doing better then I was. I’m actually having a birthday party this year (yes a party, and not one of those stuffy adult affairs, I’m having a throw back to when we were five with decorations and little plates and tons of kids…gotta love my life). Plus all my prezzies (hand picked by yours truly). But after that…I don’t know. I’m just having a rough time right now what with the whole being forced to grow up thing. I mean, I can be an adult and responsible when needed…but why do I have to give up everything I love? I’m being forced, against my will, to give up trick or treating next year. Everyone seems to forget that this used to be an adult holiday…bastards. My mother keeps giving me weird looks each time I mention colouring Easter eggs. I mean, it’s not like I’m asking her to hide them for me, I just want to colour them. I love it. Besides that we know so many kids not having coloured eggs makes us look odd.

If I can be an adult…why can’t I retain my childish innocence? Why can’t I enjoy dressing up every Halloween and taking kids around town trick or treating? Is it wrong to pay bills and still wish that the Easter Bunny was real and had a secret stash of chocolate waiting for me? There may be no Santa Claus but does that mean I have to give up hope? I don’t see why growing up means you have to let go of those things you held dear when you were younger. I didn’t grow up and stop believing in my mother so why should I grow up and stop believing in the magick of a holiday?