A dream is a wish your heart makes...

[saitaina]

I'm suffering nightmares again.

A nearly nightly occurance that aqids my insomnia into slowly driving me insane. I wish they would go away. I'm so tired now...

There's no reason for them, my stress is gone, there's nothing worrying me, no rhyme or reason to the images or situations. They're just...there.

and they're not even that bad of dreams. No true terror, no pain, just imagry that causes my brain to wake up. I trained it too well in reconizing thoughts I don't want to experinace that now it's waking me up for the slightest bit of a bad turn.

I drempt of vampires and woke up. I LIKE vampires.

Last nights was bad though, I was dying...really weird. But now I'm exausted but probably wont' get back to sleep without medication because my subconcious is terrified of sleep. I keep finding things to do.

I can't even be around my friends now, I'm either asleep, trying to sleep or too tired to speak with them. All of my commitments are slacking, I'm so behind in things and too tired to want to catch up. Everything seems so boring in my exaustion and the one thing that gives me any joy is being taken away because I can't think and can't focus.

So tired...

I want a pill that will put me to sleep without dreams. A want a 3way to shut off the alarm system of my brain so that I can stay asleep inspite of the terrors...I want to feel normal and happy again.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/lost_complex_/]

"It's been hard, the writing, lately. Just all comes in beautiful fragments, like nods now . . . so high . . .guess I'd rather sleep forever this sleep and forget . . . but the gnats, they keep buzzing in my ear and the heat and the dreams . . ." (Jim Carroll, Basketball Diaries 162).

[saitaina]

I love you.

[yellowhorde.livejournal.com]

As a fellow sufferer of insomnia, I can sympathize with how you are feeling. Unfortunatley, I don't have any real advice on how to shut of the thoughts in your head. I've never been able to accomplish this and I remember once seeing a commercial that said, "If your mind is wired and your body is tired, who wins? Your brain." And that is so true.

The only advice I can give is this - If you lay in bed for thirty minutes and still haven't fallen asleep, get up and do something. Read, or watch TV or clean or anything until you feel tired and then try laying down again. Because there is NOTHING more upsetting than looking at the clock and counting down how many hours of sleep you'd get if only you'd fall asleep right this minute.